‘Its not for me to reason why, it is for me to dare and die’ (Part 1 of 3)

spinningThis is how I picture it…

I’m waiting over here and you’ve walked in through the door. I’m so pleased you came. I’m debating whether you picked up my invite or, by the look on your face, it’s more likely that you dropped in by chance. What’s important is that you’re here and that’s a fact. I need to do or say something quick, or you might not stay. Making a good first impression is so important. My head tells me that I should behave one way, while inwardly there is a small child bouncing up and down with excitement at seeing you here. The kid just wants to rush forward, give you a big hug and make you feel welcome. You know that she would really like to spin you around in joy and tug at your hand, so that she can lead you towards the table over there. I can picture her now; giggling and speaking rapidly:

“Come quick… look!… come on…. come and look at this…”

The child turns to peer into your face, for a thought has just popped into her head. She drops her gaze and lets go of your hand. Experience hasn’t yet taught her to be more careful and protect herself from the pain of reprisal or rejection. Instead she opens her heart and gushes with pride:

“Look…” as she hands you a book… “I did it…”

However the adult that dictates how things are done these days opts for a more conservative approach. The tall upright ‘me’ sees you and her face glows, breaking into a genuine smile. She steps forward as her head bows a little, letting her hand extend forward to take your hand in welcome:

“Pleased to meet you. How lovely. Thanks for coming.”  Cautiously we would no doubt exchange a few pleasantries: “Lovely day…  did you have a good journey?” I’m attentive. I’m listening to what you have to say. I genuinely wish you no ill. In fact I want you to like me… it’s my nature. And after what would be regarded as a respectable period, by now unable to keep quiet any longer, I would attempt to move the conversation round to what I really want to say…”I’ve written this book. I’m really pleased with it. It’s called ‘Alice Wakes Up’. Here…” I hand you a copy. You feel its weight. Your eyes cast over the cover. Your fingers flick through the pages. You’ve made no comment because you’re thinking. I fill in the silence… “It looks great doesn’t it?” I look into your face for the sign I want to see and push on regardless. “It’s really good! It’s taken me a couple of years to complete…” as if to persuade you of its credibility. I stammer… not wanting to appear too pushy, while knowing inwardly that that’s why I am here. “Err… umm…” deep breath… “Would you like to buy a copy?” I give you no time to think too much and instantly push you in the direction of the ‘To Buy’ links on the blog side panel… or suggest you visit www.jaynefranks.com where you can read extracts from it….

photo credit

This entry was posted in depression, Dyslexia,, imagination, insight, self publishing, thoughts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to ‘Its not for me to reason why, it is for me to dare and die’ (Part 1 of 3)

  1. jaseylee says:

    Just from reading this post, I think you have a very intriguing voice in your writing. I hope you succeed in getting published!

    • jaynefranks says:

      When I received your comment it really blew me away. I was so excited when I first read it. You seemed to be telling me something I hoped was true, and in that moment of joy, I pressed the approve button immediately. I selfishly wanted everyone to see that ‘other’ people do see something unique and special in my work. It’s not just ‘Me’ self promoting. I thought at the time I would come back and send a response later. As you realize since no reply was forthcoming, ‘later’ must have come and gone. It’s an excuse but I guess I let myself be distracted by life. However, I do not want to let it go, as I do genuinely want to express my gratitude for your very kind and supportive words. Especially since for me this week, it has been your words that have proved to be the little gems that have kept me looking forwards.They have indeed felt like the magical elements that have ensured the dream stays alive by making me believe my goal is still realistic. So for that, all be it a belated, I really would like to thank you, and give you a very bit hug for taking the time to post a such a special and positive comment. X 🙂 PS Looked at your post and …Charlie looks so cute. You have such an adorable beautiful bonny boy. Hope him cutting his teeth doesn’t cost you too much sleep. Thank you again.

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