But does it really? I’ve been away… floated… drifted… I’m aware that for those 100 followers who have hung in there… waiting patiently… there has been nothing new to read for quite a while. And if you are one of those followers reading this now, take a moment to slow down your reading speed and really enjoy hearing the words that are about to rattle around your head: ‘you are ‘special’. My appreciation for you is genuine. And to those who have read this far and may be feeling a bit left out… please don’t be! Just let yourself go. You are most welcome to stay and, if so inclined, to sign up and become a follower too. 🙂
TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE
My time away was never intended to be this long. At first… hands held up.. ‘guilty !!!!!’… my non-appearance was due to procrastination. My dilly-dallying around turned into avoidance to the point of ‘loss of sight’, which then ran hard into a solid wall of resistance and lethargy. Self sabotaging mantras began to re-sound…’I don’t know why I bother’… which sapped the heart and the inclination to start afresh. The inner bland question of ‘who cares anyway?’… utterly debilitating… These thoughts stop you doing…. Heard it all before… Yawn… It’s nothing new…
There have been genuine distractions of course; like you perhaps, holidays, children off school and work to fit in. All excuses in the main. But to my defense, although I have nothing to show you yet, there has been other ‘stuff’ going on in the back ground. On the whole it’s the type of ‘stuff’ that’s hard to account for, being predominantly of the talking and thinking variety. But I have been doing a bit of reading, picking up new knowledge, as well as writing to several outside agencies to try and drum up trade. The results have been varied but, needless to say, in real terms none have generated the kind of desired reassurance that I am on the right track.
It has though forced me to re-think and re-evaluate what I had, what I have and what I want. So… wearing my most dispassionate and rational hat, I’ve come to a conclusion; a rather sobering one. Writing ‘Alice Wakes Up’ (read more here) was far easier to accomplish than finding a sustainable way to make her work for me. It is evident that a change of approach is needed if I am to experience something different, especially since what I am presently doing isn’t working for me.
Sadly it is not enough to have a great innovative exciting product on your hands. To make it fly takes something else. Sex sells and so does knowing someone in the know. (See previous posts). The last few months’ endeavours have also taught that a marketing degree and a compulsive interest in IT and web design would certainly not have gone amiss. There’s even more ‘nice to haves ‘ and ‘if onlys’… but what’s the point of going over old ground? Yes it would be great to have all of these attributes at my disposal. Then Jayne Franks would surely jettison into the global market place. But I don’t… or at least I haven’t got them yet. And, I like to remind myself, because it lets you down more gently, that even if these were at our disposal there is still no guarantee that Jayne Franks would make it. Nothing is a ‘God given cert’… well is it?
I’m really not alone in finding myself arriving at this juncture. Did you know that 50% of all businesses fail within their first year and 95% within 5yrs? Harsh. One of the main causes they suggest for this significant dropout rate is because we entrepreneurs “underestimate the challenges through unfounded optimism”.
Despair not. Nothing is wasted, for this experience has enabled me to put some things into perspective. Chasing sales is not what I do best, nor is it something that I enjoy doing. It’s like the dyslexia thing. If I focus all my attention on what I can’t do well (ie grammar, spelling) I lose the connection with the transformative creative quality that my writing can have. Similarly, when I focus all my attention on trying to sell it, I lose the will and the desire to write. For now I have decided to do what I like doing, which is painting pictures with words… follow your passion, learn more, experiment, play around and see where it takes us. It’s all a bit of an adventure and in the meantime I shall indulge and enjoy… really enjoy the lovely positive feelings that arise when I get comments back such as this latest one:
“I smiled as I read your accounts of living with teenagers……I actually enjoyed the read… I liked your style… humorous”. (PS)
So does absence make the heart grow fonder? In my case ‘Yes’. It’s given me the chance to realise what I could have lost had I continued to place all my attention on what I think I need… rather than focusing with appreciation on what I already have.