Is it possible to be myself and be and feel ‘good enough’ doing it?
We could all make a list of the things we thought we needed that would make us happy or feel better? Writing a book was on mine.
I thought it was going to be my ticket to a better life. May be I was being naïve but writing a book didn’t make me happy, not all the time, and in truth it has actually delivered the opposite feeling. Sadness and disappointment. When the book didn’t actually fly off the shelves liked I’d hoped it might it stood on the shelf and became symbolic of all my short comings.
Thoughts can be so untrustworthy at times.
One conclusion I’ve drawn from this experience is that I can’t rely on my book to bring in a revenue steam and therefore I need do something different. Makes sense doesn’t it? However all my attempts to find meaningful employment so far has come to nothing. Something is always wrong. In one case despite having the necessary qualifications I lacked the experience they are looking for. For another I was told I had all the skills they needed and showed the right aptitude but the job was offered to someone with the right qualifications. The last job I went for ticked all the boxes but it turned out to be in the wrong place. 170 miles away to be exact. That would have made the school run a bit of a challenge.
So what’s to be done? I’m not letting my recent job hunting experiences stop me from looking for a ‘proper job’. There has to be something out there for me. I know there is work to be done on my interview technique and a need to be more imaginative with me CV. And I will do all of these but I’ve also decided to give myself break. Here in this blog space I want to try my hand at being myself for a change – a big step into the unknown.
I recognise to make this work I need to make some pledges to myself. These are
- Not to let any thoughts of any personal shortcomings get in the way of my efforts.
- To let go of any idea that the only way to write pieces is in a format that would please an English teacher.
- And finally to keep as my highest intention to preserve my own sense of well-being and yours.
‘Being Me’ is an unfamiliar concept. I’m usually lost playing the part of wife and/or mother. I’m just little ‘ol me, ordinary in so many ways yet awkward at times. I can be perceived as lazy, useless and forgetful – challenged by dyslexia. I may be all of these at times but in common with you I have my own unique way of thinking and of processing information. The results of my thinking, these posts, are my ‘Light Bulb Moments’ – Metaphorically Speaking.
The inspiration comes from a desire to understand and to make sense of my own and others unease.
Please take a look and feel free to make a comment. My aspiration is that with posting my ‘Light Bulb Moments’ Metaphorically Speaking pieces it both will light up your day, and deliver a welcome sense of well-being.